jA}^fiY fi/HSSfilN 



Ixiffi ON SHfi j^OAD 



A COMEDY DRAMA, IN FOUR ACTS, 



GHAS, 6ASWISZ, 



WITH ALL THE STAGE BUSINESS, SCENIC EFFECTS, Etc 



COPYRIGHT SECURED 



Springfield : 
State Jour::al Book and Job Printing Co., 



l32f^ 



^ 



jAl^fiy filHSSfilN; 



yr& ON SHfi ]^OAD 



A COMEDY DHAMA, IN FOUR ACTS, 



GHAS. eASWlSZ, 



WITH ALL THE STAGE BUSINESS, SCENIC EFFECTS, Etc 



COPYRIGHT SECURED 






iJN-l-2i8e^ f 






Springfield: 
State Journal Book and Job Printikq Co. 



..;■• ^f 



Ca^t of Character?, 



JAKEY EINSTEIN, A Clothing Drummer. 

Wm. Stanley, a much Persecuted Man. 

Walter Harrington, his Friend. 

Richard Carroll, alias Burton, a Heartless Villain. 

Frank Daly, his Companion. 

Archibald Farnsworth, a Merchant. 

Robert, f 

>his Clerks. 
Dan, ) 

Hook, Proprietor Commercial Hotel. 

Martin, his Son . 

Usher at State's Prison. 

Warden at State's Prison. 

Bill Turner, Head Bell Boy at Palmer House. 

Cowboys, Prisoners, Keepers, Policemen, Etc. 

jEANNEfTE GuisOT, a French Girl. 

Mary Stanley, Will's Wife. 



Synopsis of Scenery. 



ACT FIRST. 

Scene, Palmer House, Chicago —The plot to ruin Proposing- a practical 
joke— Love making— The stag-e struck lover— Einstein's customei- — "I like dot 
musik"— A lost sale— Jeannette's determination— The game ot poker— I have 
four aces— The quarrel— Come Will, these men are no company for us— Will's 
sympathy -Tricked— The female witness Bribed— The arrest-Those diamonds 
in my pocketV Villain you have put them there!— 'Tis false — 'Tis true! I saw 
you do it. 

ACT SECOND. 

Farnswortli's Office, i>reit' For/f.— Einstein as stock clerk— The letter— Car- 
rolls return- The bui-glary- The will — Jeannette's demand — The shot — The in- 
cendiary—Mrs Stanleys arrival— Help! Help! Help!— Einstein's timely ap- 
pearance— The missing witness -Fire! Fire! Realistic Tableaux. 

ACT THIRD. 

Scene Ist—C, B. ct Q. Ticket Office, ChicaQo.— The departure— Such men as 
you are a disgrace to honest traveling- men— The game— The wallet— Jean- 
nette's disguise. Scene M— Reception Room States Prison, Joliet. -The plan 
to escape. Scene 3d— Corridor of Pri.so?i.— Stanley's misery — The villain again 
—Your wife is false — She is as true as you are false— Mrs. Stanley's and Ein- 
stein's arrival— The villain frustrated— The attempted escape— Back men, es- 
cape is impossible. Grand Tableaux. 

ACT FOURTH. 

Commercial Hotel, Valentine, Neb.— Stanley's homestead— Einstein in a 
new line— Cowboys on a spree— That awful dinner— Carroll's rendezvous — 
Farnsworth bargains for the will— The fatal shot — Einstein's strategy— Stan- 
lej- meets Carroll face to f«ce— I am not your father— the encounter— Lynch 
Law in Nebraska— Stanleys fortune— Einstein's good luck— Grand Denoue- 
ment. End of Play. 



3AKEY EINSTEIN; 

OR LIFE ON THE ROAD. 



ACT 1st. — Scene — A Double Ajyartment at Palmer House^ 
Chicago . 8am2')le room l Sleeping apartynent r. Car- 
roll {dis.) conversing icith Daly in apartment r. Music at 
rise of Curtain. 

Carroll. Since you cannot perceive the obje^^t of my 
wishes I will explain them more clearly. You will then see 
that the duties I impose must be performed. 

Daly. I am all ears, I am, I can assure you. 

Carr. Then listen: Mary Farns worth, the daughter of 
my employer refused my hand in marriage and cast her af- 
fections upon Wm. Stanley, my assistant in the office where 
we were both employed. It was her fathers desire that she 
should marry me. Now the affection I once bore this woman 
has turned to hate, aye! bitter hate, and I mean to drag them 
down until she will consent to divorce herself from him and 
marry me. 

Daly. Well I'm surprised; I am. I can assure you. 

Carr. As soon as Farns worth discovered they were 
secretly married, Jie became very much incensed at their con- 
ducct, but would have pardoned them for their offense had 
not Stanley's accounts began to fall short and he was dis- 
charged for knavery. This I was very particular should be 
the case. The cause of his discharge was soon noised around 
and for a long time it was impossible for him to get employ- 
ment. I had almost conquered his heart-broken wife, when, 
by the influence of one oi his friends, he was given a position 
as traveling salesman and has risen again. Now I am sure 
my disguise cannot be penetrated by him. 



— 6— 

Daly. Oh! no, no, no, too cleverly gotten up, I can 
assure you. 

Carr. Now Stanley is stopping at this house; you must 
make his acquaintance. 

Daly. An easy matter. I meet Harrington, by chance 
of course, invite him to a game of billiards, he introduces me 
to Stanley, we become friends, and then — 

Carr. And then? 

Daly. And then for our little game, and we'll win. We 
will, I can assure you. 

Carr. I feel certain of success, and when Mary Farns- 
worth is my wife and her fortune is at my command, you, my 
friend, will be well paid for the part you have taken in this 
nights work. 

Daly. And you are sure she'll not refuse you. 

Carr. She dare not. Stanley in prison, I will be ever 
at her side and make her life a living hell if she refuse to do 
my bidding. But enough of this; you understand your part 
thoroughly? 

Daly. To the letter, I can assure you. {ExitT). f.k.) 

Enter Jeannette Guixot, df.l. 

Carr. Success crowns my every effort. Ah! William 
Stanley, once enter the net I have woven for you and noth- 
ing can save you from ruin. (ExUd. f. r.) 

Jean. Nothing but work! work! work! and I am sick and 
tired of it, but what else shall I do. I have it, I will go on 
the stage, I will become Mamzelle Jeannette Guinot, the 
Plmraa Donna of ze Grand Opera, and when my friends at 
Continental Hotel, Paris, will hear of m}^ good fortune, their 
hearts will be fiiled with isnvy. I wi'l pay Paris a vist. I 
have ze elegant voice^ and my costumes with elegant trails 
and massive laces shall be the talk of all Paris. I forget I 
have not the means to secure all this, and must remain ze 
simple chambermaid. 

Enter Bill Turner d. f. l. 

Bill. Hello! Jeannette! I have been searching every 
room on this floor to find you. 

Jean. Oh! How you startle me. 

Bill. Oh! You are frightened very easy aint you, my 
Popsey-Wopsey . 

Jean. Popsey-Wopsey? {Laughing.) He calls me his 
Popsey-Wopsey. 

Bill. Its awful funny aint it? 



Jean. Well, rather amusing. 

Bill. If your love for me was as strong as mine for you, 
you wouldn't think it so funny. Jeannette, I do love you, 
won't you marry me? 

Jean. Marry you! Let me see, you are now earning 
four dollars per week, hardly enough to support yourself, and 
yet you talk about marrying. You make me tired. 

Bill. Rejected, and by a woman beneath my station. 
Farewell, false woman, I'll commit suicide. No I wont, Jean- 
nette, won't you marry me? 

Jean. No I wont, so get out. 

Bill. Then I will commit soosan syrup, but false woman 
my spirit shall haunt thee. Remember the Phoenix never 
dies. 

Jean. Will you get out. Read another dime novel and 
you'll become insane. 

Bill. I henceforth l)ecorae a Bandit King, and vow ven- 
gance on the woman who has brought me to what I am. You 
shall never talk to another man. Vengance on the first 
drummer that I catch talking to you. Vengance! {Exit 
Biv. F. L.) 

Jean. The foolish fellow. Well I must finish. my work. 
{.Busy dusting and maldng beds.) 

Miter Carroll, Daly, Stanley and Harrington, d. f. r. 

Carr. This is my room, so make yourselves perfectly at 
home. 

Daly. Our acquaintance will be of the most agreeable 
nature. It will, I can assure you. 

Har. It seems very strange, Mr. Burton, that we should 
have traveled the same route, stopped at the same hotels for 
the past two years, and yet have never met before. 

Carr. Quite so, and yet stranger things than that have 
happened. 

Stan. Burtoti, your face is very familiar to nfe, and re- 
minds me — 

Carr. Of some o'd friend, no doubt. 

Stan. No, of a bitter enemy, curse him, if I had him 
here. 
{liiois toioard Carroll., Harrim/ton stojos Jiini.) 

Har. Stanley! Remember where you are. 

Carr. May I ask the name of this bitter enemy you 
speak of? 

Stan. Richard Carroll, a man who looks very much like 
you, only he wore no beard, and was a much younger man 
than you are. I was his assistant book-keeper in an 



office where we were both employed. He stole money from 
our employer and had me appear guilty of the theft — had me 
discharged — turned into the street — because he was rejected 
by my affianced bride, Mary Farnsworth, and because she 
married me. He is a mean, low, sneaking, thieving cur, and 
I'll kill him if he ever dares to cross my path. 

Hae. Don't get so serious. Come, 1 have a little joke 
I want to propose to you. 

Daly. We're all attention. We are, I can assure you. 

Har. There's a young Bebrew named Jakey Einstein, 
he is travelling for a New York clothing house; now I pro- 
pose that we put up a job on him . I'll introduce you (ot 
Stcmley) as Mr. Grieser, from Hastings, Michigan, tell him 
you came to Chicago to purchase a bill of clothing. 

Daly. Capital, I can assure you. 

Stan. I am in no mood for sport of any kind. 

Enter Jakey Einstein, d. m fl. {Music.) 

Jakey. Go right ahead with your work, you are not dis- 
turbing me. 

Har. {Running and climbing to transom) His room, 
{hecJwns Daly., Carroll and Stanley, who climb to transom) and 
in conversation with the chambermaid. 

Jean. Oh, it is you Mr. — but you will excuse me, I will 
come and finish my work when you have vacated the room. 

Jakey. Don't leave on my account, I dink you're a very 
nice young girl. 

Jean. Uh, zat is vot peeble call flattery, is it not? 

Jakey. I beg your difference my dear young shicksa, 
dot is no tiffy. 

Jean. You mind your own business. 

Jakey. Dots my business. 

Jean". You're very smart aint you? 

Jakey. ^ Do you dink so? 

Jean. And beautiful too! 

Jakey. 1 like dot musik. Say, I am a booty good look- 
ing fellow, aint I? 

Jean. Most beautiful Monsieur, such a lovely big nose, 
such a massive growth of hair on ze top of ze head, such a 
dignified appearance, in fact the most perfect model of man- 
hood I have ever seen . 

Jakey, I like dot musik. {Enter Bill, d. in fl.) 

Bill. Making love to my Jeannette bids defiance to the 
nick of the woods. His blood shall pay the penalty. 

Har. The Jealous lover. 



j^ 



— 9— 

Daly. Clever, I can assure you. 

Jean. (Laughing.) You will not fail to give me one of 
your photographs before you leave. 

Jakey. You shall have the whole gallery, darling. I 
love you. 

Bill. O, let me thump him in the teeth. 

Jean. I am so glad you love me. You are calling me 
darling too soon, though. 

Jakey. Don't say that. Lets get married. Fly with 
me birdie. 

Bill. You'll get murdered. 

Jean. My dear young gentleman you must give me time 
to consider. Your sudden proposal has quite taken my 
breath away. Ah, I do not even know your name. 

Jakey. My name is Einstein — Jakey Einstein. 

Bill. Your name is mud. 

Jean. Well Mr. Einstein, I am already engaged, and my 
intended is such a powerful man that if he caught you here 
he woula want to fight you. 

Jakey. Fight me! I like dot musik. See on my ben- 
ded knees I swear (kneels) ^ 

Hae. ] 

Stan. J 

Jakey. Stay there I 

Bill. (Gets Jakey by collar) Hey, there I. (Jeannette 
screams. Exit d. mrL.) Do you know what I am going to 
do with you? 

Jakey. Here, you tear my coat! Let go you loafer. A 
shaney shleraosal. 

Rill. Not till I've shook de stuffin' out of you. 

Jakey. (Pointing to stomach) Dot aint stuffing, dots 
real . 

Bill. You've been making love to ray sweetheart. 

Jakt^y. Who, Mihnie Palmer? Call her back and I'll 
apologize. 

Bill. No, you settle with me. Put up your fins. 

Har. Fight him Jakey. 

Jakey. Dere's a barticular friend of mine up dere, lick 
him, I'm sick. 

Bill. You'll be worse when I get through with you, 

Jakey. Let ^o my coat. 

Har. Sick him Jap. 

Bill. (Hits Jakey in eye, Jakey falls.) 



—10— 

Har. Time. 

Bill. Dats de kind of a hair pin I am. 

Jakey. a hair pin! I dout you was a crow bar. 

Bill. I must have blood. 

Jakey. Well go down to the slaughter house and 2;et it. 
I aint no blood. (Arises. Business on table, bureau, etc. 
Harrington and Daly pull him through transom. Falls in 
Apt. R.) 

Bill. I must have blood! blood! (£Jxit b . in fi..) 

Har. Jakey, whats the matter, why don-'t you get up. 

Jakey. I cant, I cant, I^m all out of breeze. 

Har. I've got a customer for you, Jakey. 

Jakey. (Arising quickly) A customer? I feel better 
now. 

Har. I thought that would revive you. Mr. Grieser 
allow me to introduce you to Mr. Einstein, he is represent- 
ing one of our best New York clothing houses. I am sure it 
will pay you to look at his samples. 

Jakky. Mr. Greaser, I am delightful to meet you. I am 
representing Bergenrose, Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of 
mens youths and boys clothing, and I have got the nicest line 
of goods of any man in the business. I am sel ing my goods 
twenty per cent- cheaper than any oder New York house. 
I have got all the latest importunities of the season; frock 
suits, Prince Alberts, four-button cutaways, Mr. Grieser, and 
excuse me are you a yeaoodo. 

Stan. (Bus.) What's that, a hoodo? 

Jakey. No, no, I mean are you the gentleman who does 
the buying. What I say about my goods is all right, aint it 
Valter. Bergenrose, Rosenthal & Co., make good fitting 
goods Mr. Grieser — did you ever meet Mr. Rosenthal. He's 
got a boy named Moses; dere is a fine by Mr. Grieser. Moses 
is only eighteen years old and his father gives him an interest 
in the business next year. Some beeple who sell goods on 
the road talk too much. Aint it so Mr. Grieser. I don't be- 
lieve in dot brinciple. 

Daly. I thought you were all out of breeze. I did, I 
can assure you. 

Jakey. Mr. Grieser, don't mind dot fellow. Its very 
strange I cant talk when any one else is standing around. 
Now Mr. Grieser if you will step into my sample room I will 
show you the best line of goods that was ever manufactured. 

Har. Jakey, you want to talk to this man, he is a hard 
man to sell to.;; 

Stan. Not necessary to say any more. Your arguments 



—11— 

in favor of Bergenrose, Rosenthal & Co., have won the day. 

IIar. And we'll all go into your sample room. 

Stan. And if prices are right, will purchase a bill of 
goods. 

Jakey. Then come along and I'll show you Bergenrose, 
Rosenthal & Co.'s latest production. I haven't opened my 
drunks for two monds; I hope the moths haven't got into my 
cloding. 

Carroll. I will join you soon. 

Jakey. I don't like company. 

Daly. Oh, yes, we must all join you. We must, I can 
assure you. 

Jakey. I like dot music. {£Jxit d. in fr.) 

Carroll. I have a few words to say to Mr. Daly, but 
will join you presently. {£JxU Har. d. in fr.) 

Stan. Don't fail to come to number ten. (^xit d. in fl.) 

Carroll. You need have no fears. {Enter Jean. d. in 
FR.) Curse you, I hate you. I will pretend friendship, but 
to-night in this very room I will throw aside the mask I 
wear, and then, William Stanley, you are ruined forever. 
But come, or our absence will be noticed. (JExitioith Daly, 
D. in FR.) « 

Jean. [Advancing.) What did he mean? Curse you, 
I hate you. He will pretend friendship, but to-night he will 
throw aside the mask he wears, and then, William Stanley, 
you are ruined forever. Who is this William Stanley, and 
why should he wish his ruin? I will watch that man, and if 
he means harm to an innocent person, I will thwart his 
plans. I must hide, but where? I have it; in the wardrobe. 
Now, sir, the sooner you begin the ])prformance, the better 
I like it. {Enters wardrobe) 

Jakey. {Opening d. l.) Walk right in. This is my 
sample room. {Enter Jakey, Stan, and Har., d. in fl.) 

Har. Jakey, you're a brave man. 

Jakey. Why you say dot, Valter? 

Har. Because you trust your body on such weak legs. 

Jakey. I like dot musik. {Enter Daly and Carr., d in 
fl.) 

Stan. I say, Mr. Einstein, I'm very thirsty. Would you 
ring for some water. 

Jakey. {Taps bell) I'll have some brought up ride 
away. 

Har. Say, Jakey, Mr. Greiser would prefer wine. He 
is a little delicate about asking for it, bat you must know how 
to entertain your trade, you know. 



— IS— 

Jakey. I can't stand it. 

Har. (Trips him) Sit down then. (Helps him up) 
Oh, forgive me. An accident, I can assure you. (Enter 
Bell boy, d. in fl.) A quart of Clicquot. Charge it to ten . 

Jakey. I like dot music. 

Har. Jakey, give us a song. 

Jakey. Pm a good singer, aint it Valter? 

Har. You're a good one. Fire away, Jakey. (Jakey 
sings. JBell hoy enters with loine. Burton pours it out.) 

Jakey. Now, Mr. Grieser, I would call your barticular 
addendion to dot four button cut-away. Its — 

Stan ") 

Car ' (Sings) Heres to wine! To glorious wine! 

Har. l^Ciwck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! 

Daly | here's to wine, etc. 

Jakey. Gentlemen, dis vas no opera house. Of you 
want to sing, go oudside. 

Har. Excellent wine, indeed! Here's to the health of 
Jakey Einstein, on of the finest salesmen on the road. Hip, 
hip, hurrah! 

Jakey. I like dot musik. Gentlemen, fun is fun. Now 
you drink your wine and be quiet. 

Car. (Taps bell) Certainly, Mr. Einstein, if you insist. 

Jakey. What you want now? Why you ring dot bell? 

Har. Don't get excited, Jakey. (JBell bog enters.) 

Daly. Another quart of Cliquot. Charge it to ten. 
(J3ell bog exit d. in fl.) 

Jakey. Yalter, dis is humbug. Do you want to get 
shicker at my expense? 

Har. Why, Jakey, I'm ashamed of you. If you want 
to sell Mr. Grieser a bill, you must show your liberality. 
He'll buy two or three thousand dollars worth of goods of 
you. 

Jakey. Two or three thousand? I like dot music. 
Mr. Grieser, I would call your barticular addendion to dot 
four button cutaway. It's a daisy; all wool and warranted 
not to fade . 

Har. (Sings) Climbing up the golden stairs, etc. 

Jakey. (Jumjnng on table) Gentlemen, business is 
business, but monkey business is no business at all. 

Daly ' (Sings) Climbing up the golden stairs, ets. (Lift- 
Car ' y^^'^^Q table to transom. Jakey takes off coat, jumps 
Stan ^^ stage loith arin full of coats. 

Jakey. Mr. Grieser, I would call your barticulat adden- 
dion to dotfour button cutaway. 



—13— 

Daly (Takes box of cigars from Jakey^s valise) Have a 
cigar, Mr. Einstein. Deucedly fine ones, I can assure you. 

Jakey. Dose are my cigars. You put dose back in my 
valise, du gonoff. 

Stan. Now, gentlemen, you must not annoy us any 
further. If I wish to purchase a bill of goods of Mr. Einstein, 
I must do so at once. 

Har. Certainly, Mr. Grieser, If we are annoying you, we 
will leave. (Exit Daly, Bur., Har., d. in fl. laughing. 
Enter d. m pl.) 

Jakey. Masel truf. Now, Mr. Grieser, I would call 
your barticular addendion to dot four button cutaway; its a 
daisy, ail wool, and worronted not to fade. I sell you dot 
suit for twelve dollars, and I give you my word and honor I 
sell you dot suit two dollars less than any other man in the 
business. 

Stan. I dont wish any of those. 

Jakey. What's dot? Don't wish any of those? Mr. 
Grieser, if dere vas a banana peel on one side of the street, 
and you could walk on this side, you don't walk on the banana 
peel, certainly not. If I sell you dot suit two dollars cheaper 
than any other man, you don't buy them from any *body else, 
certainly not. How many of those do you want, Mr. Grieser? 

Stan. I don't exactly like that. 

Jakey. I like dot musik. Here's something fine in a 
satinet suit. I sell you dot suit for six dollars; Mr. Grieser, 
dots a dollar below cost. 

Stan. I guess I don't want any of those. 

Jakey. Don't want any of those? Mr. Grieser, are you 
a married man? 

Stan. Yes, sir: 

Jakey. Well, then, if I sell you goot butter for thirty- 
eight cents per pound, and my neighbor sells you strong 
butter for forty cents per pound, do you buy strong butter 
from my neighbor? Certainly not. You buy goot butter 
from me. Dots the way it is with that satinet suit. 

Stan. I don't see anything that suits me. 
Jakey. What's dot? Don't suit? Dot suit suits, and if 
dot suit don't suit, try some of those suits. I sell you dis suit 
for ten dollars; I guarantee it was no shoddy. Dot is Bergen- 
rose, Rosenthal & Co.'s latest production. Let me start you 
on those Prince Alberts. 

Stan. Good-day, Mr. Einstein. (ExitT>. i7i fj.. Enter 
D. in ER.) 

Jakey. Here, Mr. Grieser, don't go. I've got a good 



—14— 

bargain I want to show you. He's gone, two bottles of wine 
gone, and I am going mashucha. {Tnrows himself on bed. 
£oys laugh.) Dots ride, laugh. It's funny, ain't it? Wine! 
Oh! why didn't I order sarsaparilla water. 

Daly. I say, Mr. Einstein, wont you join us in a game 
of cards? We'll make it pleasant for you, we will, I can 
assure you. 

Jakey. Well, I guess not; I'm no spring chicken. But 
maybe I could win back what the wine and cigars cost. All 
right, boys, I'll be there right away. {Goes in apt. e. All 
sit around table. Car. taps bell.) 

Jakey. I hate to win your money. Say, Mr. Grieser, I 
would call your barticular addention. (Bell Boy enters.) 

Car. Give your orders, gentlemen. (Stan, deals.) 

Har. Bring me a little lemon and sugar. 

Daly. The same here. 

Stan. I'll have a sherry flip. 

Jakey. Are you going to charge this to number ten? 

Car. No, this is on me. 

Jakey. Bring me a sherry flop, then. 

Car. I'll have a straight whisky. [Exit Bell Boy, d. 
in FR.) 

Stan. I'll stay for one dollar. 

Daly. I'll drop out. (Jeannette peers from wardrobe. 
Daly fixes up a hand.) 

Jakey. I raise it five. {Aside.) Dot's a bluff. 

Car. That beats me. (Boy enters with drinks. Drinks 
whisky) . That cursed clicquot has gone into my head. 

Har. Lets me out. {All drink.) 

Stan. It's you and I, Jakey. 

Jakey. I'll bet one dollar. 

Car. Bring the same order again. 

Har. Bring me a cigar this time. 

Stan. Here too. (Boy exits d. in fr.) Well, Jakey, 
I'Jl have to raise you five. 

Stan. Who dealt those cards? 

Har. Jakey Einstein. 

Stan. I pass. 

Jakey. No Valler. I didn't dole de cards. Dot pays 
for the wine and cigars. 

Har. You're a good one, Jakey. (Boy enters with 
drinks. All drink and smoke. Carr shotcs signs of drxmken- 
ness. 

Stan. Burton, I am sorry to see you drink so much. 
Wine and whisky are a poor combination to keep sober on; 



—15— 

besides your house may hear of it. 

Carr. What if they do. I'll drink when I please. If they 
don't like it, I'll get along with them. More whisky here. 

Har. And cigars for four. {Exit Bell Boy. Music 
until curtain.) 

Carr. Give me one card. 

Jakey. I'll stand pat. {Aside.) Dot's anoder bluff. 

Stan. I'm out. 

Har. I don't want any of this. 

Daly. I'll have one card. Your bet, Einstein. 

Jakey. I'll bet twenty dollars. 

Carr. You must have a good hand. 

Jakey. A sure winner. 

Carr. I'll see your twenty and go you fifty better. 
(Bell Boy enters.) 

Daly. I'll see your fifty and raise you fifty. 

Jakey. Say, I'll divide the pot with you. 

Carr. {Drinks.) Do you call it or not? 

Jakey. I can't; I'm busted. 

Daly. Then you have a sight for the amount you put 
in. Come, Burton, do yon call it. (Bell ^oy ^xits.) 

Carr. Don't be too fast. I see your fifty, and go you 
one hundred better. 

Daly. Phew ! I'll just raise you five hundred dollars. 

Car. There is the last dollar I have in the world. I call 
it. What have you got? 

Daly. I have four aces. (Shows hand, Jakey fall.) 

Jakey. I'm ruined. 

Car. You cheating scoundrel, you stole those cards. 

Daly. You lie, AL Burton, I got them square. 

Har. I am astonished. I thought we were playing with 
gentlemen. Come, Will, these men are ho company for us. 
{Exit D. m FR.) 

Jakey. I'll have to telegraph for more money {Enter apt, 
R.) I like dot music. {Throv^s himself on bed ^ , 

Stan. Come, Burton. Mr. Daly is a friend of yours. 
I hardly think he would take advantage of you in a game of 
cards. 

Daly. This insult I shall not forget, and when you are 
sober, rest assured, I shall demand an apology . {Exit d. in fr ) 

Stan. Good night, sir, and may to-morrow see you in 
better spirits. 

Car. No, no, Stanley, do not leave me. The thought of 
what I have done, almost drives me u)ad. 



—IB- 
Stan. Do not talk like this; surely the money you lost 
was your own. 

Car. No. It was money that I have collected, and 
should have returned to the house. My wife and children at 
home, and I disgraced. {Draws revolver.) Rather death 
than dishonor. 

Stan. [Stops him.) Fool! What would you do? 

Cae. Let go my hand. 

Stan. I will not. You have diamonds in your trunk; 
why not pawn some of them and redeem them when your 
salary is due? 

Car. Diamonds? True, true. I must have whiskey. 
Some whiskey, I say. 

Stan. You shall have no more to-nighi. Brace up, 
Burton, and be a sensible man. Whiskey has ruined 
better men than you or I. 

Car. I see them! Big black snakes crawling before 
me! Keep them off, I say! Keep them off!. 

Stan. It is nothing you see. Come, Burton, give me 
that revolver. 

Car. There, there, take it and keep them away from me. 
(Hands revolver.) 

Stan. I must be going. Burton. 

Car. No, no. Do not leave me. I am mad; crazed with 
drink. If you leave me, God knows what I may do to myself. 

Stan. Well, if I can be of any service, I will remain and 
lie on that sofa all night, and attend to your every want. 
{Carroll swoons and falls on bed.) 

Jakey. Besuffen. I like their musik. 

Stan. Too bad! Too bad! Supposing I should have 
been the loser. I might have fared justashe did. Ishudder 
to think of the result. No, from this night on, I swear never 
to touch another card. I must not sit up too late, as he may 
awake at any moment and require my services. {Hangs coat 
on chair. Lies on sofa) 

Jakey. Nix we shlemosal. Nix we shlemosal. {AkiiocJc.) 
Come in. {Enter Bell Boy, d. in fl. icith telegram. Hands 
to Jakey . Exits.) {Reads) Your services have been very 
unsatisfactory. You say in Kansas City it snows; in Quincy 
it rains; in Hannibal it is very cold; in Chicago it is very 
windy. As we cannot afford to pay a traveling thermometer 
to inform us about the weather, you may come home at once. 
Bergenrose, Rosenthal & Co. Discharged. I like dot musik. 
{Throv)S himself on bed.) 

Car. {Arising) He sleeps. I knew his sympathetic soul 



—17— 

too well to think that he would fail me. Ah ! William Stanley, 
you stood between me and a fortune, but I'm not the man to 
give it up without a struggle. {Goes to trunk^takes diamonds 
and places them in Stanley'' s pocket.) 

Jakey. I can't sleep a wink, I wonder where I left my 
coat. There it is up at the transom. I'll climb up and get 
it. ( Climbs to transom.) 

Jean. {From loardrobe.) What beautiful diamonds! If 
they were only mine! 

Jakey. Quiet, Jakey. You smell a mouse. 

Car. You robbed me of a fortune and a wife. Now 
bear the result. {Taps hell.) 

Jakey. Dots good musik. I wonder what he's up to 
now. {Enter Bell boy, d.r.) 

Car. {To Bellboy) Send out for a policemam at once; 
direct him to this room. (Bell boy exit.) Now, my fine 
friend, prove your innocence if you can. 

Jean. He can! {Springs from wardrobe.) 

Jakey. Dots right. Bust him up in business. 

Car. Woman, how come you here! 

Jean. I was hiding in that wardrobe. I know your plan, 
your intention. ♦ 

Car. What do you mean to do? 

Jean. To denounce you for the villain that you are, the 
moment the police arrive. 

Car. I'll kill you before they come. 

Jean. You dare not, for that would spoil your well laid 
plans. 

Car. Listen to me. I must have that man out of my 
way but for two short weeks. Let me carry out my inten- 
tions, and I'll make you rich. 

Jean. Rich! 

Car. Aye, rich. One thousand dollars now {produces 
money)^ five thousand and that man's pardon two weeks from 
to-day. Your a'swer, quick, he awakes. 

Jean. {Takes money?) I accept, but may God forgive 
me for it. {Exit in closet, u. 3 e.) 

Jakey. I wonder what they were talking about. {Carroll 
lies on bed. Stanley arises .) 

Stan. I thought I heard voices in this room; everything 
seems quiet. I hear hurried footsteps in the; hall {a knock) 
they are knocking at this door. 

Car. {Arises. Seizes Stanley.) No, you shall not escape 
me! {Officers enter.) 

Stan. Madman, what do you mean? 



—18— 

Car. I mean that while I lay on that bed, you were tam- 
pering with those trunks. 

Stan. You are mad; crazed with drink. 

Car. I am as sane as you are. Officers, search his coat. 
( Officers search coat; find diamonds . ) 

Stan. Those diamonds in my pocket? Villain, you have 
put them there. 

Car. 'Tis false! 

Jakey. 'Tistrue. I saw you do it. 

Tableau. Curtain. 



1 



ACT II. 

ACT 2d. — Scene — Farnsworth office and salesroom. Boh and 
Bill (dis.) seated in office l. and Farnsworth (dis.) seated 
in private office r. 

Farns. Bob. 

Bob. Yes sir. {Enters private office.) 

Farns. Mr. Carroll has not put in an appearance yet 
to-day? 

Bob. Haven't seen him sir. 

Farns. Robert, do you ever associate with Carroll? 

Bob. No sir. 

Farns. Know nothing of his companions; his ^habits, or 
where he spends the most of his evenings. 

Bob. No sir, don't believe I ever met him outside of the 
office. 

Farns. That will do, and by the way Robert, how does 
the new stock clerk, Jakey Einstein seem to manage his 
affairs . 

Bob. Very clever indeed, he is a comical genius, full of 
life, but never neglects his work or makes a mistake that I 
know of. 

Farns. His previous employers recommended him as 
being thoroughly honest and capable but a non-success as a 
traveling salesman, and that reminds me, they sent a letter 
here to-day for him, it was sent in their care, when he comes 
in hand it to him. {Robert takes letter. Farnsicorth 
takes up hat.) I am going out, should any one call say 
I shall not return this afternoon, and when you leave see 
that the place is securely locked — that is all. {Robert enters 
appartment l.) I believe that is all for the present, but there 
is something I intended to do before leaving, what is it? 
I have it, the will must be destroyed at once, {stoops to safe) 
but no, I will wait until to-morrow. {Arises. Leaves office. 
Goes to door.) Remember Robert, see that everything is 
securely locked. Exit d, in f. l.) 



—20— 

Rob. Yes sir! I say Dan, the governor '11 be out all 
afternoon, can't we have some sport? 

Dan. How will we manage it. 

Rob. I'll tell you we'll play a joke on Jakey Einstein. 

Dan. Good, what will it be. • 

Rob. I have it, we'll tie a rope across the door, watch 
for him until he comes, and when he does come let him 
tumble to our racket. 

Dan. That's good but that'll on^y last a few minutes. 

Rob. Oh! he'll do something more to amuse us, we must 
initiate our new men you know, but get the rope quick he is 
likely to be here at any moment. {Bill gets rope. Fixes 
Robert . Puts pins in his seat.) 

Dan. I am all ready, let the fun begin. {Music.) 

Rob. Just in time for here he comes. {Enter Jakey. 
Falls over rope^ 

Jakey. Well, I like dot musik. 

Rob. What are you tumbling all over the floor for. 

Jakey. I am practicing for the next fall when I join 
the managerie. 

Dan. What for, a curiosity? 

Jakey. No for a glass to put a curiosity in. 

Rob. What kind of a glass. 

Jakey A tumbler. {All laugh. Slap Jakey on the 
hack.) Dot's a good joke, aint it? 

Dan. Say, sit down and tell us a story. 

Jakey. Has de proprietor gone out. 

Rob. Yes, he'll be away all afternoon. 

Jakey. I like dot, well I am going to tell you aboud de 
time 1 used to dravel for Bergen ose, Rosenthal 1 & Co., man- 
ufacturers of mens, youths and boys clothing. 

Dan. Well, sit down. 

Jakey. {Siis doion. Arises quckly. Addressing chair.) 
Don't abologise. 

Dan. Talking to the chair. I can't see the point. 

Jakey. No, but I felt it. 

Rob. Don't let a little thing like that annoy you, sit 
down. 

Jakey. No, dank you, I will stand up. But I say, we 
have no time to waste. You must charge dat bill of goods 
to Fridenhamer, Felsenthal, Orafferty & Co., Minuieopolice, 
Minnesota. 

Rob. Tell us something about yourself, first; some inter- 
esting adventure about you travels. We have the whole 
afternoon before us, and can finish our work later. 



—21— 

Jakey. Well, I'll go you. 

Rob. Have a smoke, Jakey. 

Jakey. What is dis? 

Rob. That is an intimidad, 

Jakey. It looks like a stump of my dad. 

Rob. That's a good cigar, Jakey. 

Jakey. I'll know more about it when I smoke it. Well, 
f'U tell you about de time I draveled for for Bergenrose, 
Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of mens' youtlis' and boys' 
clothing. I was stopping at the Palmer House in Chicago, 
and got adquainted with two or three draveling men. Dere 
was a fellow named Walter Harrington, Frank Da'y, and 
another fellow named Burton. Dey were all barticular 
friends of mine. 

Rob. They were, eh? 

Jakey. Yes. They would take a drink with me every 
time I asked them. Well, de introduced me to a man named 
Greaser, who came to Chicago to buy a bill of goods. Well, 
I could have sold him a two or three thousand dollar bill, but 
he could not give good references, so I did not send the order 
IT). I wanted to get even with dat fellow for making me all 
dat trouble, so I played him a game of poker to Vet even. 
(Business ivith loaded cigar.) Dats an illuminator. 

Rob. And you got even I suppose. 

Jakey. I won a thousand dollars. I tell you dot was a 
heavy game. Well I got busted, and was laying on my bed 
wondering how I was going to get out of town. 

Dan. Busted? I thought you said you won a thousand 
dollars. 

Jakey. Well I did, but the fellow owes it to me. 

Rob. Will he ever pay you? 

Jakey. He is as good as wheat. Well I was laying on 
my bed when a boy bring me a telegram from my house stat- 
ing they would dissolve partnership — Mr. Rosenthal's son, 
Moses, taking an interest in the business — and requesting me 
to take the next train home, and starting out with the 
flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la, but that has nothing 
to do with the case, tra le. I was laying on me bed, got up 
to get my coat which happened to be near the transom, and 
what do you suppose I saw. 

Rob. I don't know, what did you see? 

Jakey. Dot son of a gun that owed me de dousand dol- 
lars was putting some diamonds in Mr. Grieser's pocket. 

Dan. Wanted to surprise him I suppose with a valuable 
present. 



—22— 

Jaket. No sir, wanted to have him arrested for stealing 
the diamonds. Oh, he's a big rascal. 

Rob. The fellow that owes you the thousand dollars. 

Jakey. Yes sir, he is the worst scoundrel outside of the 
penitentiary. 

Dan. I thought you said he was as good as wheat. 

Jakey. Well he is, but de wheat crop is bad dis year. 
Well he goes to the door, sends out for a policeman, and 
swears he stole de diamonds. 

Rob. And your evidence clears hira. 

Jakey. Weil I should hope so, but I don't know, I left 
my deposition explaining all I knew about the case. I 
pawned my watch to come home and dots all I know about it. 

Rob. Quite an adventure, now we'll have to put up that 
bill of goods. Have another cigar Jakey. 

Jakey. Not this fourth of July, I am not fond of fire- 
works. 

Rob. Say Bill, its no use of you staying here any longer 
Einstein and I can attend to the rest of the work ourselves. 

Dan. All right. Over the reservoir, Jakey. [JExit d, 
in F. L. 

Jakey. Fall in the sewer. {Goes to counter.) Are you 
you ready Bob. 

Rob. Yes, go ahead. 

Jakey. Charge Friedenheimer, Fetsenthal, Moriarity 
& Co,, Minneapolis, Minnesota. 

Rob. Yes. 

Jakey, Lot dwo, dwo, ought four, six satinet suits at 
seven dollars. 

Rob. Check. 

Jakey. Got dot. 

Rob. Yes, go on. 

Jakey. Lot skiventy-skiven, shicksta six, three all-wool 
cottonade doeskin suit. 

Rob. What kind of a suit do you call that. 

Jakey. That's a plaid mixture. 

Rob. I should say it was a mixture — at 

Jakey. At one dollar and a half. 

Rob. At a dollar and a half. 

Jakey. Oh, excuse me, I made a slight- mistake, I mean 
fifteen dollars. 

Rob That's different. 

Jakey. Lot twenty-three, forty-three, six pair cassimere 
what the dogs do. 

Rob. What the dogs do? 



—23— 

Jakfy. Yes, pants-, dots a choke. 

Rob. That's a chestnut. 

Jakey. If you would have hollered rats the pants would 
have run away. {Robert pulls out a handkerchief. Drops 
letter.) 

Rob. Oh, that's for you, I'd almost forgotten to hand it 
to you. 

Jakey. A letter for me. I wonder who it is from. 
{Opens and reads.) Mr. Jacob Einstein, Esq. {Dots's me.) 
Dear Sir: I suppose you are not aware of the fact that the 
supposed customer you had during your last visit to the 
Pa'mer House at Chicago, was Wm. Stanley a traveling man, 
and not Mr. Grieser as you imagined. {I kneio that all the 
time.) He was as you are already aware, arrested for steal- 
ing diamonds. You know, also, that he is perfectly innocent 
of the charge, and you should do all in your power to liber- 
ate him, who has been sentenced to one year in the Illinois 
state prison. I am sure liis wife is ignorant of this affair, 
and it rests upon you to break the sad news to her. The 
woman that you claim you saw aiding the villian in his vile 
scheme can nowhere be found. There is only one woman 
who might be suspected of complicity, and that is* the cham- 
ber maid at the hotel, who disappeared the morning after the 
robbery, and has not been heard from since, but as she has 
always born a good reputation, the suspicions are supposed 
to be without foundation; at any rate it remains for you to 
clear up the matter. Again calling your attention to the 
necessity of immediate action. I am, as ever your friend, 

Walter Harrington. 
I say Robert you know dot fellow Mr. Grieser as I was tell- 
ing you about. 

KoB. Well. 

Jakey. His right name is William Stanley. 

Rob. William Stanley? 

Jakey. D©ts what I said. Well de oder fellow put dose 
diamonds in his pocket, dey paid no attention to my deposi- 
tion and sent him to states prison for one year. 

Rob. Stanley in prison. 

Jakey. Do you know him? 

Rob. Do I know him, he was formerly assistant book- 
keeper in this office. 

Ja.key. Is dot posibility, but where can I lind his wife. 

Rob. At No. 16 Tenth street, between Broadway and 
University place. Hurry there and be sure to return be- 
fore closing hour. 



— 24— 

Jakey. I'll be back in a hell of an hour. {Enter Car- 
rroll D. in f. l. Jcikey runs against him. Jakey eyes him.) 

Car. Don't apologize. 

Jakey. I beg your difference if I did. {Exit d. in fl.) 

Rob. Why Mr. Carroll you are quite a stranger. 

Ca6. Yes I have been absent about two weeks I believe. 

Rob. Detained on some important business no doubt. 

Car. Not exactly. My poor mother was not expected 
to live, my friends wired me to come home at once. I re- 
mained with her too long weeks expecting every moment to be 
her last, but things took a change for the better. She is now 
able to be about, and I returned to resume my auties. But 
by the way, who is the fellow that just left here. 

Rob. Our new stock clerk, Jacob Einstein. 

Car. How lo.'g has he been here. 

Rob. Nearly one week. 

Car. Nearly one week? Where is Mr. Farnsworth? 

R B. He has left the oflSce to be gone all day, says he 
will not return until to-morrow. 

Car. Good. 

Rob. Sir! 

Car. I beg pardon, I meant to say I was sorry. I had 
some very important business to communicate. Robert 
would you mind doing me an errand. 

Rob. There is no one here to take my place. 

Car. I will remain until you return, you need not neces- 
sarily be gone more than ten minutes. I have a hack outside, 
the driver already knows where to drive you to. 

Rob. Is it important. 

Car. It is an affair of life or death. I trust you will 
not refuse to go. I would deliver the message myself only 
I have an appointment here which I can not break. Come, 
you will take the message. 

Rob. Yes, to accommodate you I will, but they must 
drive fast as I must be back in ten minutes. {J^xit d. in f. l.) 

Car. You'll be lucky to return in ten hours, ha! ha! an- 
other obstacle removed, now let me see. Farnsworth has 
received my note and has gone on his fool errand, he will 
not return to-day. Robert out of the way I can easily ac- 
complish my design when she comes. I have sent her a note 
bearing her fathers signature asking to meet me here at four. 
It IS now three. I have one hour to complete my work. Ah! 
William Stanley you little dream that your darling wife will 
soon be in my power, and you a prisoner as you are, can do 
nothing to aid her; and when she's flown away where you 



—25— 

can never find her again, I will procure your pardon, have 
you liberated so that you may come back, find your home 
deserted, and thus dread the day you ever crossed my path. 
Now let me see, I must have means, here goes for a pull 
at the safe. (JEnter a2:)art'n%ent r. Music. Goes to safe. 
Opens it. Takes out drawer.) A lucky find, fifteen hun- 
^dred dollars in currency, I wonder what his private drawer 
contains, its locked. (Takes screic driver from desk. Breaks 
lock.) Damn it there's not a cent in it. What's this. {Finds 
loill.) Last will and testament of Elizabeth Danforth, New 
York, December 25, 1857. I do hereby will and bequeath 
all my property, real estate, moneys, bonds, etc., to my only 
surviving heir, Mary E. Danforth, and do appoint Archibald 
Farnsworth as her guardian. It shall be said Archibald 
Farnsworth's sacred duty {Enter Jeannette d. in^. l.) to in- 
vest her moneys in safe and sound investments, the interest 
thereon to be given to said Archibald Farnsworth for the 
safe and honest attention to his trust, and in the event of 
her becoming of age, the money to be turned over to her in 
full. {Jeannette listens at door ) 1 need read no further, so 
Archibald Farnsworth, Mary Stanley is not your child, and 
you are depriving her of all knowledge of the existence of 
this will. {Looks at vmtch) It is now half past three, in 
one-half hour all will be well. {Goes in apartment!.. Starts.) 

Car. You here. 

Jean. Excuse me, but I was not aware of ever meeting 
you before. Oh, yes! {Laughs.) My, but what a changed 
appearance. 

Car. Fool that I should forget in rify excitement to 
lock the door. 

Jean. I declare if it was not for the familiarity of your 
voice I should never have known you. 

Car. What do you want here. 

Jean. You do not appear to be at all glad to see me, 
how unkind monsieur. 

Car. What do you want? 

Jean. Nothing monsieur, from you only to tell you that 
I am heartsick at the thought of the part I have taken in 
this game of yours. 

Car. It is too late to repent now. 

Jean. It is not too late. 

Car. What do yon mean. 

Jean. Listen and I will explain. The night zat you 
placed those diamonds in William Stanley's pocket, and I 
witnessed the vile act, I allowed myself to accept your hush 



—26— 

money, and even later, allowed myself to be bought off from 
appearing in the case and hid myself here in New York. I 
had a desire to become wealthy, and upon your promise that 
the mystery should be cleared up in two weeks. I thought 
why should one man not suffer for two weeks, when by his 
suffering I will ^ain a start in life and perhaps become a 
wealthy woman. 1 thought there was some justice in this, 
but I find vou have done nothing to clear this matter at allT 

Car, Well. 

Jean. Well I am tired of those feelings of suspense, and 
demand that steps be taken at once to clear him of this foul 
charge against him. 

Car. In about a week. 

Jean. No you must begin this very day. 

Car. And should I refuse. 

Jean. Then I will denounce you for the villain that you 
are. Your answer. 

Car. It is unwise to continue this conversation here, 
come into this office. {Enters office.) 

Jean. As you wish it. {Enters office.) Now monsieur 
I demand your answer. 

Car. My answer is do your worst, the man that placed 
those diamonds in William Stanley's pocket is Albert Bur- 
ton, my name is Richard Carroll. 

Jean. But they are one and the same person. 

Car. You cannot prove it, and if you could, you dare 
not. 

Jean. And why not. 

Car. Because you are my accomplice, and if I am pun- 
ished you wiil also share my fate. 

Jean. I will explain all, my act, the cause. I will be 
believed and set at liberty, while you will reap the punish- 
ment. 

Car. Try it, and you will learn how poor your defense 
would be. You know nothing. 

Jean. More than you think for. I know Mrs. Stanley. 
I know that she is wealthy and is heiress to a vast estate. You 
covet her fortune. You have an appointment to meet her 
here this very hour, and I know you intend. 

Car. Damn it, woman, you know too much. {Shoots her. 
Screams and falls.) Great God, what have I done. I have 
killed her. What's to be done, shall this crime be fastened 
upon me at the very moment of my success. It lacks about 
fifteen mi utes of the time when Mrs. Stanley should be 
here. I must tire the building and thereby destroy all 



—27— 

evidence of my guilt. (Enters office. Locks door. TJn- 
rools a bolt of cloth.) This saturated with coal oil, and one 
stroke of the match, and nothing will be left to tell the tale. 
( Gets oil can. Pours on to cloth. Lights match. Miter Mrs. 
Stanley d. in f. r. Carroll blows out match.) Damnation! 

Mrs. Stanley. Richard Carroll you here? Where is my 
father? 

Car. Your father has left the city, will not return until 
to-morrow. 

Mrs. Stan. He wrote me a let' er asking me to meet 
him here at exactly this hour. 'Tis strange he should absent 
himself. 

Car. Mary it was not your father who wrote that letter, 
it was I who did it. 

Mrs. Stan. And forged my fathers name. 

Car. Aye. Mary 1 knew you would not come at my 
request, so 1 used a little strategy to bring you. 

Mrs. Stan. So, and for what purpose? 

Car. I have sad and painful news to impart. 

Mrs. Stan. Well. 

Car. Of your dear husband. 

Mrs. Stan. What of him? 

Car. He is in the Illinois states prison, a convicted 
felon. 

Mrs. Stan. Oh! no, no, you do not speak the truth. 
[Screams ) 

Car. It is indeed true. Oh, Mary that you should have 
thrown away your life on one so worthless. {Grasj^s her 
hand?) 

Mrs. Stan. Let go my hand. 

Car. Mary I swear that I love you, can never live with- 
out you. 

Mrs. Stan. Let go my hand I say or I shall arouse the 
neighborhood with my screams. 

Car. Do not speak like this. I could make you happy, 
bring you back to your father's home with wealth and splen- 
der at your command. It is not too late, fly with me, and — 

Mrs. Stan. So, Richard Carro'l, this is why you sent for 
me, to insult a poor helpless woman during her husbands ab- 
sence. My Will a prisoner? I'll not believe it. 

Car. Yes he is a guilty and a dishonored man. 

Mrs. Stan. 'Tis false, he may be convicted, but he is 
innocent. This is some vile plot against him. 

Car. Who would plot against him. 



Mrs. Stan. You would, for you are a coward and a 
villain. 

Car. You are mistaken, I have always professed the 
profoundest friendship for Will. 

Mrs. Stan. We are no strangers to your friendship, 
Richard Carroll. It was you who caused my father to make 
home a burden to me, because I married William Stanley 
and rejected you. It was you who made Will appear guilty 
of theft, and this is what you call profound friendship. 
Know you Richard Carroll, that I would rather live in pov- 
erty with he I love, than to be returned to my fathers 
home as your wife with wealth at my command. 

Car, Ready! Daly. (Whistle outside .) And know you 
madam that I will force you to do as I will it. I have a cab 
in waiting outside. You will be dragged away from your 
friends and there remain until you consent. Hello, Daly, 
quick. 

Mrs, Stan. (Screams.) Help! help! help! (Miter Jake'}/ 
Einstein d. m f r. Grabs Carroll. Carroll throws him off. 
Exit D. in F. L. Jahey falls.) 

Jakey. Well, I like dot music. 

Mrs. Stan. Oh, sir, you have arrived in time. Thank 
God, thank God. 

Jakey. What's de matter any how. 

Mrs. Stan. That villian would have dragged me away 
were it not for your timely arrival. 

Jakey. Well maybe its a good thing I didn't find'the 
lady I was looking for. You see I was up on Tenth street 
in a boarding house looking for a lady, and they told me to 
sit down and wait, as Mrs. Stanley said she would be back — 

Mrs. Stan. Mrs. .Stanley! 

Jakey. Yes, they said she would be back by five o'clock, 
and as I had an important message for her — 

Mrs. Stan, An important message for her — I am Mrs. 
Stanley. 

Jakey. Is dot so. Well, I like dot music. (Jeanette 
tosses about in appartment r.) W^ell my name is Einstein, 
Jakey Einstein, I used to dravel for Bergenrose, Rosenthal 
& Co., manufacturers of mens, youths and boys clothing. 

Mrs. Stan, We 1, sir, what was the message you had 
for rae, quick, I pray you. 

Jakey. Well you see I was d raveling for Bergenrose, 
Rosenthal &, Co=, manufacturers of mens, youths and boys 
clothing, and I had the finest line of goods of any man in 
the business. 



I 



—29— 

Mrs. Stan. (Weejmig.) What is all this to me. 

Jakey. As I said before, I was draveling for Berjyen- 
rose, Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of mens, youths and 
boys clothing, and I had the iiuest line of goods of any man 
in the business. 

Mrs. Stan. I pray you sir, your message. 

Jakey. Wait a minute, I'll come to the point ride away. 
Now don't say someding till I tole you noding. I was drav- 
eling for Bergenrose, Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of 
mens, youths and boys clothing. I am not with that house 
any more, I could have kept my job but my house kicked at 
my expenses, so I got mad and quit. 

Mrs. Stan. (Drops in chair.) My heart is breaking. 

Jakey. Don't cry Mrs. Stanley, you make hot water 
come oud all over my eys. lam a little incomprehensibility, 
but I will come to the point ride away. You see, as I said 
before, I was draveling for — well never mind about dot — I 
have someding to say about your husband. 

Mrs. Stan. What do you know about him? 

Jakey. Well you see when I draveled for Bergenrose, 
Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of mens, youths and boys 
clothing, I met your husband at the Palmer house in Chicago, 
dots a good house, too, I stopped there, and he was arrested 
for stealing a lot of diamonds. I know your husband did 
not steal dose diamonds and I meant to have him out of 
prison . 

Mrs. Stan. Oh, if what you say to be true, why, oh, why 
did you not save him from this terrible disgrace. (Carroll 
tliroics lighted cotton in at icindoio.) 

Jakey. Dots what I wanted to tell you all the time. 
You see when I draveled for the clothing house, I believe I 
mentioned dere name once to you before, my house sent me 
a very insulting telegram stating they did not need any trav- 
eling thermometers on the road, and I got mad and quit on 
dat account. I had not any money, and as walking was bad, I 
had to leave Chicago that night. I left my deposition mit a liar 
there, bu,t I spoke about a man named Grieser, and dere be- 
ing no one dere by dot name, de give him one year. 

Mrs. Stan. How came you to make this terrible n>istake. 

Jakey. De boys introduced him to me as Grieser, and I 
didn't know the difference until to-day when I received a let- 
ter from Walter Harrington giving me the right name and 
address. 

Mrs. Stan. This is terrible. If what you say 'be true, 
ray husband must be free at once. My God! what's that. 
(Fire is seen.) 



^ 



—30— 

Jakey. De house is on fire. Oh, for a fire extinguisher. 

Mrs. Stan. We must leave at once. {Tries door.) We 
are locked in. What's to be done. 

Jakey. Wait, I'll call the fire department. {Goes to ap- 
partment p.) This door is locked too. I like dot music. I'll 
climb into the office. Fire! fire! {Gets caught on hook .) 
Quick, Mrs. Stanley, take the axe from the side and break in 
the door. {Mrs. S. takes axe. Breaks door. Jakey turns 
American I)istrict Apparatus. There is a women lying 
insensible on the floor. {Fire rages. Firemen enter with 
extiyiguishers and put hose on Jakey. Mrs. Stanley drags 
Jeanette to door. Qurtain on picture^ 



4 



ACT III. 



ACT 3d — Scene 1st — Interior of C. B. & Q. waiting room 
in two. 

Car. Daly is nowhere to be found at the time I need him 
the most. Einstein has found Mrs. Sta,nley and together 
they intend to go to Joliet. I have succeeded in putting that 
French girl out of the way, but notwithstanding my efforts 
to rid myself of that cursed Jew, he still manages to evade 
me. {Enter Daly in f. l.) The very man I wish to see. 
What made you keep me waiting so long. 

Daly. Business of importance, Burton, I can assure you. 

Cak. My name is Carroll now, and don't you forget it, 
please. 

Daly. A slip of the tongue, I can assure you. 

Car. See that it doesn't occur again. Where have you 
been. 

Daly. At the Michigan Central depot. Mrs. Stanley and 
Jakey Einstein have arrived on last train and will be here as 
fast as the omnibus can bring them; they will, I can assure 
you, and intend to leave on the 11;30 train for Joliet. 

'Car. They must not leave. 

Daly. They shall not leave. 

Car. How can we prevent them. 

Daly. Hush, here comes Walter Harrington. 

Car. Find out his lay. 

Daly. I will, I can assure you. Why, Harrington, you 
.haven't forgotten your old friend, Daly, I hope. 

Har. I'll trouble you not to speak to me sir. A ticket 
to Bloomington, please. 

Daly. Why Harrington, how have I displeased you? 
(Harrington gets ticket.) 

Har. You plotted against and were instrumental in 
having a dear old friend of mine sent to prison convicted of 
a crime you knew he never committed. Had I then known 
what I know now, you would never have succeeded in 
your vile scheme. 



—32— 



Daly. Walter these charges are unjust, on my honor as 
a traveling man. 

Har. Your lionor as a traveling man, I don't believe you 
ever traveled to sell goods in your life, it is such men as you 
who are a disgrace to honest traveling men. 

Daly. You are very complimentary indeed, but I hope 
some day you will Jearn that I amperfectly innocent of these 
charges. 

Har. Injured innocence. Had I the time at my dispo- 
sal, I would favor you with a few more choice epithets, Mr. 
confidence man. {Exit d. wf.l.) 

Daly. Damn his impudent tongue, but he knows noth- 
ing of the existence of Mrs. Stanley in Chicago, his ticket 
was for Bloomingtou. {Enter Jeanette door m f. l. disguised 
as apple woman.) 

Jeak. Apples! apples! oranges! 

Car. No, damn it, no. 

Daly. Hush, here they come. 

Car. Shall we allow them to leave. 

Daly. No. 

Car. How can we prevent them. 

Daly. Leave that to me, come. {Retire R. 1 e. Enter 
JaJcey and 3frs. Stanley. Other passengers d. inY. l. Music.) 

Jean. Apples! apples! oranges. 

Jakey. Come along Mrs. Stanley, we got a cheap bus 
ride, aint it Mrs. Stanley. When I used to dravel for Ber- 
genrose, Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of mens, youths 
and boys clothing and I would get a free ride, I would always 
charge the house a couple of dollars for hack fare, so were a 
couple dollars ahead, aint it. 

Mrs. Stan. How can I ever repay you for the kindness 
you have shown me. 

Jakey. Dots all ride, I am only sorry I haven't got some 
musumen to pay the expenses myself. 

Mrs. Stan. [Carroll x. to dis. in f. l. Exits.) My purse 
is nearly exhausted. 

Jakey. Ob, I'll get a reduced rate. You 2:0 to the car 
and take a seat and I'll be there right away. {Mrs. Stanley 
retires to d. Jakey goes toioindoio.) Two tickets for Joliet. 
Two lorty. 
What's dot? 
Two forty. 

My friend you are mistaken. 

Am I? that's strange; come now, there are other 
The fare to Joliet is one dollar and 



Agent. 

Jakey. 

Agent. 

Jakey. 

Agent. 
passengers waiting, 
twenty cents. 



-33- 



Jakey. Oh, you don't know me, I get a deatncal rate. 
Agent. A what kind of a rate? 
Jakey. a deatrical rate. 

Agent. Oh, a theatrical rate. Are you an actor.'' 
Jakey. Am 1 an actor, I thought everybody kno wed me. 
Agent. What is your line? 
Jakey. Clothing— no, I am Irish comedian 
Daly. (Advances. Lays wallet on window.) Mister, 
vou dropped your wallet. {Enter Carroll and police .) 

Jakey What's dot, a bocket book mit good money in it. 
I like dot musik. Here Mr. give me those tickets. 

Depot Master. All aboard, Chicago & Alton for Joliet, 
Bloomington, Kansas City. - .- u a x. u^i^o f>.o 

Car. That's your man, see in his hand he holds the 
wallet he stole from my pocket 

Jakey (Throios book.) Your book? take it, a fellow 
iust give me that. (Enter Daly d . in f. l.) 
Car. (Laughing.) A likely story. ^ 

Jakey. Dis is a joke you are drying to play on me. 1 
aot no time to fool mit you, I must go on this train. (Enter 
Mrs S. D. in f. l. Train bells ring.) 

Mrs. Stan. Oh, Mr. Einstein you have not a moment to 

^^ Jakey. Oh, Mrs. Stanley you must go down alone, I am 

^" Mrs' Stan. What shall I do! What shall I do. 
Car. I will accompany you if you will permit me. 
Mrs Stan You here, I see it all now. Officers believe 
me whatever crime that man is accused of he is innocent. 
That villain has arranged this affair to prevent us from going 
to Joliet where my husband is confined in prison. This man s 
evidence would clear him and make him a free man. It you 
are not heartless release him. 

Car. Come Daly, the train starts. (Exit J>.in f. l 
Jean. (Stands at door. Grabs Daly who is about to 
exit and pulls him down J..) You shall not go. . Officer^ I 
8aw this man give the wallet to the man you have in cbaige. 
Offcer. We have had him through our hands once be- 
fore . ( Officers hold him . 

Mrs. Stan. Too late, our train is gone 
Jean Not too late, I have already telegraphed to stop 
train at Twenty-second street. We must take a hack and 

^'%"^:i"'VTl\.. bank won't honor our draft and we're 
out of money. 



—34— 

Jean. I have enough to defray all expenses, everything 
is already prepared. 

Mks. Stan. And to whom are we indebted for this kind- 
ness. 

Jean. Jeanette Guinot. (Close in in one.) 
Scene 2d — JReception room of states 2^'^ison. Enter warden 

and usher r. 

Warden. Well I suppose there will be as many visitors 
to-day as usual. 

Usher. I shouldn't doubt it at all. I say. Miller, have 
you ever noticed how pale and worried Wm. Stanley looks. 

Warden. Yes, I feel very sorry for that young man, he 
has a heart as pure and as tender as a woman's, and I feel pos- 
itive he is perfectly innocent of the charges against him. 

Usher. Possibly, but it is a difficult problem to solve. 
Still water runs deep you know. 

Warden. Yes that is true, but I have had a great many 
of such problems in my hands, and" this is the first one that 
has ever interested me at all. I'll bet that man has some 
very powerful enemies who have wound this chain of guilt 
around him, and his affair is of so trivial a nature that thirty 
days in the city jail would have been punishment enough. 

Usher. I begin to think Miller that you have fallen in 
love with the prisoner, what a pity he isn't a woman. 

Warden. Supposing I have, I like a noble nature, no 
matter in what form it is, and despise beings who are always 
ready to crush them. 

Usher. Do you intend this as a stab for me. 

Wardeist. a guilty conscience needs no accuser, if the 
shoe fits you, wear it Mr. Bates. I'll discharge that man at 
the end of the week, I don't altogether like him. [Exit l.I e. 

Usher So Mr. Miller you are begining to suspicion some- 
thins; are you. I am glad I learned it in time. I wonder if 
that man Carroll will be here to-day according to appoint- 
ment. I have my instructions from his lawyer. You must 
urge one of your prisoners to attempt an escape. Well what 
would be the result? A failure, as it is impossible to do 
this. Ah! here comes some one. (Enter Carroll R. 1 e. 
Well sir, is there some one you would like to consult? 

Car. Yes, you have an usher here by the name of Bates. 

Bates. That's my name, sir. (Carroll looks at photo- 
graph.) 

Car. Yes, you are the man. 

Bates. And your name isj 

Car. Richard Carroll. (BaUs looks at photograph) 

Bates. Well, what's your lay. 



—35 — 

Car. You have received your instructions from my attor- 
ney here. 

Bates. Yes but don't quite understand them. Speak 
low. 

Car. Then listen. You are supposed to aid one of the 
prisoners to escape. 

Bates. The escape may be attempted, but failure is sure. 

Car. Exactly as I desire it. 

Bates. What are we to gain by this? 

Car. This much. My business here to-day is to release 
a man from prison whose pardon I have secured. He hates 
me as bitter as I hate him. He may refuse to go. An at- 
tempt on the part of the prisoner to make an escape will 
cause some shots to be fired, and if my pistol should acci- 
dently go off and kill Wm. Stanley it will not be called mur- 
der, do you understand? 

Bates. Fully, you can rely on me. 

Car, So my attorney informed me. 

Bates. Well did he inform you, also, how much I want- 
ed for this job. 

Car. No, but here is five hundred dollars, five hundred 
more when the work is done. 

Bates. That won't do, because as soon as I receive the 
money I skip the country. The prisoner that does the job for 
me finds it is a put up job, peaches on me and I am placed 
behind the bars. Oh, no, I want one thousand dollars cash 
down. 

Car. No time to parley, there is your money, now to 
work at once. 

Bates. Consider it done. 

Car. Send my card to the warden, and tell him I wish 
to converse with Stanley in his cell. 

Bates. He don't like me and wouldn't a'low it if I 
asked, so just tip him yourself, and with a little soft soap 
you might persuade him to admit it, which is against the 
rules of the prison. [EjcU l. 1 e.) 

Car. So far so good. What has befa'len Daly I cannot 
imagine, I thought he was close at my heels. I took my seat 
upon the car and never missed him until it was too late to 
discover the cause of his disappearance. Now to visit Wm. 
Stanley. I have but one hour before the train leaves Chicago, 
in that hour I must accomplish deeds that will make me rich 
or condemn me to poverty for life. {Exith. 1 e.) 
Scene 'in-Interior of prison with arch r.e u.and cells running 
front L. 2 E. to l.u.e. Winding stairioay at l. 2 ^.practical to 



—36— 



UH.. Stair leading to barred door ^n.^ '^ ^J^'Te^ts 
f • '^TJ::2Z^^<^e carry If^^^^^^ 

^^^ carry ufets. ^fj^^^:,rst:zr^i^ :XisTvi 

''' A At last I -St ret,., to .y ceH. Ob wife, wi^, 
if you but knew the ^f""^ ^n^^^^tere he .hock would kill 

lC;ZT:V"r.i:\llT.. nevermtendea for such men 

'' Cr- Ko I am ^.•on.^^y^accused --ced for a onme 

heaven knows 1 am .nj.oce,a.o . Torn J ^^^^ ^^ 

tl^I tT resto^e'm^to hl^pin'ess with a pure and spotless 

"^""U^SHK.. (^--ttrht^inlwthTo'hrohutetS^ 
^^i^n UZ Z'XXl'^:ZTo:U ao you desire to re- 

"^'Itl'l"'' His name? iOarroU de$ceids stair^ 

cl. (f^o/eTLd) Your old friend, D,ck Carroll. 

Stan. You, yo" scoundrel . ^^^ ^^^^^ ^ ^ _ 

aed'g:nt,e^m:n \-etts' tf takl Ty haul Working on the 

"°Srlt'.'^' No! I am l^eepin.book^ in t,e office. _ 

C.a. Qaite an ^l-ff^P^.r/o'/iikeC better than 

viots must envy you. I ^".Pi;'°f ^^„\„„^ 

traveling, such elegant ''^^"^'f^^^^; ^^^an beware of because 
Stan, a W''''«berous conyctwecan d ^^ 

he wears a convicts sM''\'''t\thTvZenmou oi friend- 
can practice Richard Carroll w.th a P,etns_^ ^^^^^ ^^^ 

ship, comes like a ^t'^^.n the back by a ^^^^.^^ ^^^^^^^.^^ 
^hSrUued^arlJ^r beneath a mask of sm.es. 



— ST— 

Car. I am afraid prison life does not agree with you, 
it makes you hate your best friends. Come Stanley, I am 
not the cowardly person you speak of, and to prove it I am 
about to do you a great service. 

Stan. Service! you have served me well enough already. 
It was you who stole money from Farnsworth's cash drawer 
and had me appear guilty of the theft, so as you could gain 
the hand of my Mary, who hated and despised you. IShe 
knew your character too well to link her life with yours, and 
left her father home to join me, me in my poverty. Service! 
you had me discharged, turned into the street because you 
thought it would serve you. 

Car. These charges are unjust, your position was lost 
through your own folly. Had you not angered Farnsworth 
by casting your affections upon his daughter who ranked so 
high above you, you would still have held your place. I had 
nothing to do with your discharge. 

Stan. Its a lie. 

Car. No hard words, Stanley. I came here to befriend 
you. It lies in my power to release you from prison; think 
Stanley, make you a free man, aye, this very hour, if you will 
but do my bidding. 

Stan. And that is — 

Car. Accompany me to Chicago. 

Stan. For what purpose? 

Car. That you will learn when you reach there. 

Stan. I must know now. 
Car. You will learn soon enough. Come, will you com- 
ply with my terms? 

Stan.' No! 

Car. No? 

Stan. No, Richard Carrol', you are up to more of your 
villainy. I tell you sir, I would rather remain here and wear 
this prison garb, knowing that by my release I would be serv- 
ing you. 

Car. Yes, your prison garb is very becoming. 

STAiyf. It would become you better, and mark me Rich- 
ard Carroll, you'll wear it some day. 

Car. Enough of this, since you will not accompany me 
on any other terms, I will tell you why I wished your re- 
lease. While you are confined in prison your faithless wife 
has fled New York in company with another man, her 
paramour. 

Stan. C^oward, you lie. 



—38— 

Car. I speak the truth, your wife is false. 

Stan. {Seizes him hy*the throat.) She is as true as you 
are false . ( Usher and keeper drag him off. 

Car. I have your release in my possession, come with 
me to Chicago and I will prove my statement. 

Stan. My wife false, I will not believe it. If she is in 
Chicago, she is on her way to see me. If she is in a gentle- 
man's company {3Irs. S. comes down stairs with Jahey and 
Jeanette) it is her escort and not her paramour. 

Mrs. Stan. {Rushes to him.) Husband! 

Stan. {Embracing.) Mary! Scoundrel I told you so. 

Car. Foiled. 

Jaket. Tin foiled. Say, we got here a little too soon 
for you, ain't it so? 

Car. You are the cause of this, curse you. 

Jakey. Well I should expentate. You tried to have me 
arrested for stealing dat bocket-book. Oh,your're a momsa. 

Mrs Stan. Oh, Will, my husband, that you should fail 
to let me know of your trouble. 

Car. I came here to release your husband from prison, 
but since you are both so bitter towards me, I will destroy 
his pardon . 

Jaket. {Grabs paper ^ What's dot, a puddin? 

Stan. My pardon! 

Car. You cursed Jew, give me that paper. 

Keeper. I'll take possession of it. 

Jakey. Dot's ride Mr. jailor, you take the puddin. Say 
look here, Mr. Burton — 

Car. Burton! 

Jakey. You dought I didn't know you because you had 
your wiskers shaved off. 

Car. You lie. 

Jean. He speaks the truth. 

Car. Jeanette, and alive. 

Stan. Yes, 'tis he, I see it all now. 

Car. Fly, your friends are here. {Prisoners rush from 
cells to c.) 

Stan. Back men, escape is impossible. {Carroll levels a 
revolver at Stanley. Jakey takes it from hirn.) 

Jakey. Not this chrislmas. 

Picture . Curtain. 



ACT IV. 

ACT 4th — Scene — Commercial Hotel, Valentine, Nebraska. 
Counters and cigar case r. 2 e. Kitchen and dining room 
L. Stair leading to up stairs practical. Set door l. 
2 E. 2 beds up stairs r. with open windoic in FLi^T. One 
bed in small partition l. Mrs. and Wm. Stanley dis. 
seated c. Music at rise of curtain. 

Stak. Mary I must go to the store and do our trading. 
Will you wait here until Jeanette arrives? 

Mrs. Stan. I should prefer to go with you Will, these 
men or cowboys as you call them, are apt to come in at any 
moment, and I cannot say that I admire their company. 

Stan. You need not fear insult from them; 'tis true they 
are rough, and at times when under the influence of liquor 
handle their revolvers very carelessly, but a lady they know 
how to respect at any time; but still since you desire to be 
with me, we will go together. Ah, Mary, I wish we were 
back in New York. 

Mrs. Stan. Don't get homesick Will, I am sure you will 
soon be accustomed to western life, besides we are trying 
hard to make our homestead a pleasant home indeed. 
True the work is different from that which we are accus- 
tomed to do, but we are out of the way of our enemies and 
that thought alone should make us work hard to forget the 
past and think only of the happy days in store for us. 

Stan. Happy days, I hope we shall see them soon, but I 
see nothing but labor, and then despair to think that an in- 
nocent man must fly from justice, because a cowardly villain 
chose to make his life a living hell. No, Mary, I'll go back 
to New York, find Richard Carroll, make him sign a confes- 
sion that I am guiltless, or kill him if he refuses to do my 
bidding. 

Mrs. Stan. Find Richard Carroll, why Will has he not 
been arrested? 

Stan. Yes, arrested, but still at large. From a letter 
that I've received from one of my old traveling companions 
this morning, I learn that he had been liberated on bail, a 
lawyer at Joliet going his security for five thousand dollars. 



—40— 

On the day set for his trial he was nowhere to be found and is 
still at large. I tell you Mary, the more I think of that 
scoundrel, the more restless I begin to feel and long to seize 
him by the throat and strangle him until he lies dead at my 
feet. 

Mrs. Stan. Try to forget the past Will; remember it 
was at your suggestion we came west and took up a home- 
stead, I willing consented because our enemies would not 
give us a moments peace. I know your determination Will, 
and if you make up your mind to hunt Richard Carroll you 
will find him. Kill him, and be tried for murder; here we 
are safe. It would be folly, madness, even to think of leav- 
ing. 

Stan. You are right, I sliall not speak of it again. 
(Enter Jeanette d . m f. e ) 

Jean. Oh, madam, madam. 

Mrs. Stan. Why child, how frightened you are. 

Jean. Yes yes! but as I was passing the street I saw a 
face, and could swear it was that of Richard Carroll. 



K Richard Carroll . 



Mrs. Stan. 

Jean. If not he, his living image. 

Stan. Surely you must be mistaken. 

Jean. I could not be mistaken in that face, monsieur, it 
is ever in ray memory. 

Stan. Then Richard Carroll beware, for if you are here, 
to-day you will answer for all the misery you have caused 
me. 

Jean. Listen, monsieur. I am much to blame for your 
misery, for had it not been for the feeling of avarice that 
came over me at the time, I could have spoken two words 
and all your troubles would have been at an end. Now I beg 
of you not to act rash and allow yourself to face the villain, 
for it would be a duel to the death. 

Stan. What would you have me do? 

Jean. Leave him to me. 

Stan. He would kill you without compunction. 

Jean. Then I would reap the punishment I justly de- 
serve . 

Mrs. Stan. No you have been punished enough already. 
If he be here my Will shall meet him face to face. 

Stan. Bravely spoken. And now we must go to the 
store to do our shopping. What a poor abode this for the 
weary traveler. 



_41— 

Jean. Are all the hotels in small towns as poorly kept 
as this. 

Stan. Not all, most towns have neatly kept houses and 
some of them brick buildings. 

Mrs. Stan. And do drummers come here to sell goods. 

Stan. There are a few arrivals every day selling various 
kinds of goods. 

Jean. And do the cowboys not trouble them. 

Stan. Sometimes tbey do, it depends on how they like 
or dislike their appearance. [Several shots heard. Train 
whistle blows.) The train has just arrived and from the 
numerous shots I hear the cowboys are having some sport. 
Come Mary, Jeanette, we must go at once, (Noise outside.) 
and if Richard Carroll is hiding here we'll tind him. 

Jean. And then let him beware. 

Stan. Come. {JSxit d. l. 2 e.) Firing continues out- 
side. Jakey ejiters T> . in^ . B.. Falling g. Throwing valises.) 

Jakby. I like dot music. [Arises. Takes railroad guide 
from pocket. Reads.) Valentine, Commercial Hotel, the 
only first-clsss hotel in the city. Dis must be the place. Free 
bust too and from all trains. Well if that's what they call a 
free bust, shooting revolvers at a fellow the minute he gets 
in town, I'll take a free walk. Rates two dollars a day, dots 
cheap, the Grand Pacific charges four. I wonder where the 
landlord is. Hello! no answer. Is de brobrietor in, is the 
clerk in; I guess they haven't got any. Is the chambermaid 
in, I guess she's oud our she would hear my musical voice. 
Is dere any cowboys here. [Two shots.) Yes dose are bully 
cowboys, dey didn't seem to like my hat, they wanted to 
shoot it. [Song. Enter Martin D..^V^F. k.) Hello, here's a 
good looking fellow, he must be the c^erk. Hello, my 
friend, I am delightful to meet you. I'll sell him a bill of 
goods. I see you have some cigars in your case. 

Martin. Ye, ya, yes sir. 

Jakey. I sell does goods. 

Mart. Ye, ya, yes sir. 

Jakky. Dot's what I said. I used to dravel for Bergen- 
rose, Rosenthal & Co., manufacturers of mens, youths and 
boys clothing. I ain't with that house any more. 

Mart. Ye, ya, yes sir. 

Jakey. Well I guess I know, I am not in the clothing 
business anymore. 

Mart. Ye, ya, yes sir. 

Jakey. Is dot all you can say, yes sir? 



—42— 

Mart. No sir. {Cowboys enter jy. in f. r) 

Jakey. Well dot's different, I would like to show you 
my line of goods. (Opening samples.) Dere my friend is 
the world's finest. Dese cigars my friend are of the finest 
Havana tobacco that can be produced in Pennsylvania. 

Mart. Yas sir. 

Jakey. Yas sir, dey are called Three Graces; you will 
have great faith in dose if you ^moke one. I hope you'll not 
refuse, and if you like it, for charity's sake I give you anoder 
one. Fersstatysta. 

Mart. Ye, yes sir. 

Jakey. Yes sir, I like dot musik. Here my friend, 
smoke one once, I guarantee you never smoke anoder one. 
{Cowboys gather around.) Boys smell de smoke, dots good 
goods aint it. 

Cowboys. Can't tell by smelling. 

Jakey. Give him the snipe let him smoke it once. {To 
Martin.) Dot's fine stock, aint it? {Cowboys retire dis- 
gusted.) 

Mart. Ye, ya, yes sir. 

Jakey. De most bobular brand in de United States of 
Nebraska. Heres where I sell him a bill he couldn't say no 
if he wanted to. Shall I put you down for some of those. 

Mart. I de, de, don't know. 

Jakey. Well I like dot, you don't know. 

Mart. I haint the boss. 

Jakey. Fine musik. Well who is the boss. {Enter Hook 
D. in F.) 

Mart. My pa. Here he is. {Jakey tries to get out of his 
way and upsets sample case. Cigars roll on stage. Cowboys 
grab for them ) 

Jakey. Here you bully cowboys, you can't have my 
samples. Coioboys draw revolvers ,) Don't g«^t excited, gen- 
tlemen, you don't understand me, dose are not my samples, 
I keep those to giveaway. You can have all you want. {Coio- 
boys replace revolvers . ) 

Mart. Pa, pa. pa, that air runner wants to talk to you 
sir. 

Hook. Shake stranger. {Grabs Jake's hand with hook., 
and Jakey falls.) I've got lots of strength in that hook 
stranger. 

jAKEy. A hook, I thought it was a derrick. {Arises.) Oh, 
why didn't I stay in the clothing business. 

Hook. Martin. 

Mart. Ye, ye, yes sir. 



—43— 

Hook. Did you sweep the office. 

Mart. Ye; ye, yes sir. 

Hook. Then cook the dinner; then go up stairs and 
make the beds, do you hear? 

Mart. Ye, ye, yes sir. 

Jakey. Is dot de way the head clerks do out here. Cook 
the dinner, wait on the table, make up the beds and sweep 
the office. 

Hook. Look a here, don't you get too fresh, he's ray son 
and does all the work. Martin, do you year. 

Mart. Ye, ye, yes sir. (Goes to stove. J^unny business. 
Cooks.) 

Jaket. I like dot. I say Mr. Derrick, I mean Mr. Book, 
don't you want to buy some of does Henry Mud cigars, dey 
are extra fine ones I can assure you. I can give you great 
bargain in those goods. (Showing samples.) Dey are worth 
sixty dollars a dousand. 

Hook. What? 

Jakey. But I sell them to you for thirty, Mr. Hook. I 
can afford to sell does goods cheap because my brudder steals 
the tobacco, my fadder makes the cigars, my murder packs 
them in the boxes, and I go on the road and sell the goods; 
dey are a great bargain, Mr. Hook, and I am anxious to get 
that brand in your case. 

Hook. Can I have my picture put on the box. 

Jakey. You're bicture? What you want to do with the 
boxes when you get them empty, use em for mice traps? 

Hook. Lookout I'll hook your eyes out. 

Jakey. No dank you, I couldn't get them in again. But 
don't get oxcited Mr. Hook, I will have your photograph put 
on the box if you will buy a big bill. 

Hook. Will you pay the express charges. 

Jakey. Yes I'll do that, how many shall I send you Mr. 
Hook. 

Hook. Send fifty on em . 

Jakey. Fifty! one box, I'll ship them by freight. Oh, 
why didn't I stay in the clothing business. 

Mart. Di, di, di, dinner. {Coioboys go to table.) 

Jakey. Dinrer, I like dot music. (Closes samples.) 
Fifty. One box. 

Mart. D, d, dinner. 

Jakey. I hear you. (Goes to table.) I don't like dis 
seat by the stove, its too hot. 

Cowboys. (Arise. Point revolvers,) Sit down. 



—44 

Jakey. Certainly, gentlemen. {Sits doton.) Dis is de 
coolest spot on earthy I assure you. {Cowboys sit down and 
replace revolvers . ) 

Martin. Tea or coffee. 

IstC. B. Coffee. 

2dC. B. Tea. 

3d C. B. Tea. 

4th C. B. Coffee. 

Martin. {To Jakey.) Tea or coffee? 

Jakey. Chocolate. 

Martin. Haint got any. 

Jakey. Coffee then. I wish dinner was over. {Martin 
passes cups around.) Aint you got some milk. 

Mart. Pa had a fuss with the milkman about the price 
of milk, so we won't have any to-day. 

Jakey. Well I can't drink coffee without milk. {Pushes 
cup aside.) 

Cowboys. {Dratc revolvers .) Drink that coffee. 

Jakey. Gentlemen you fail to comprehend my meaning 
less. If there is one thing I do like its coffee without milk. 
{All sit down. Cowboys replace revolvers. Martin dishes 
food on plate. All eat except JaJcey.) You aint got some 
meat. 

Mart. Pa had a fuss with the butcher about the price 
of meat, so we won't have any to-day. 

Jakey. Well I didn't want any. 

Mart. Have a piece of cold bacon. {Slaps it on Jakey^s 
plate . ) 

Jakey. No dank you, dots hog meat, I don't eat that. 

Mart. It's the only kind I've got. 

Jakey. I can't eat, dot its trafay. 

Cowboys. {fJowboys arise and draio revolvers.) Eat it. 

Jakey. {Arisi?ig.) Today is Friday. I'm a good catho- 
lic; I can't eat meat to-day. 

1st C. B. {Fires revolver.) Eat that bacon. 

Jakey. Certainly gentlemen, if its any accommodation 
to you. {Sits down ) Ferecken salst du. {Bus eating bacon. 
Coicboys pointing 7'evolvers. Coioboys advance c. Jakey re- 
mains seated at table. Martin ascends stair.) 

Hook. Say it is generally the way of traveling fellars to 
get them up when they se Is a bill, and you want to do that 
very thing, do you hear? 

Jakey. {Comes dovm c.) Talking to me. 

Hook. Set em up to the boys. 



r 



—45— 

Jakey. I'll see you later. (Goes to door. Ist cowboy 
shoots his hat off.) Gentlemen when I come back I'll set em 
up to the whole crowd. If I could only get out of here. Say, 
how much is my bill? 

Hook. Will you be here to-night? 

Jakey. Can I get away to-day? 

Hook. No train ut till morning. 

Jakey. Well I guess I'll stay to-night. 

Hook. Dollar and a half. 

Jakey. There's two dollars, give me the change. 
{Hands bill.) 

Hook. You ain't set em up to the boys yet. Have a 
cigar on this gentleman. (Boys take cigars.) That airs 
just the right chansje mister. 

Jakey. I like dot musik. Well give me a nice room to 
myjself. 

Hook. I aint got a single room empty. You'll have 
two nice respectable gentlemen for room mates, and a nice 
feather bed to sleep on. 

Jakey. Well dots all ride; I must go out and drum the 
o wii, but I'll be back in a hell of an hour. 
Hook. Wont you be back to supper. 

Jakey. No dank you, I eat too much dinner. [Exitwitli 
sample case D.inY. r. Martin descends stairs.) 

Mart. The beds are all made up pa. 

Hook. Then go out and chop some wood, do you hear? 
(Cowboys exit ly. in f. r.) 

Mart. Ye, ye, yes sir. 

Hook. And I'll go down to the Pioneer office and give 
em a list of my arrivals; mind you chop that wood afore I 
get back. (JHJxit d. l. 2 e.) 

Mart. Ye, ye, yes. (Enter Carroll d. in f. r.) 

Car. I am not alone, I must get rid of this fellow. My 
man can you do me an errand. 

Mart. No sir, I must chop wood for pa. Good day, sir. 
(Exit R. 1 E.) 

Car. Good. Can it be possible that it was Jeanette's 
face I saw to-day, I must be mistaken. Her face is so im- 
pressed upon my memory that I can't turn my head and no- 
tice a passer by without thinking it is she or some of my pur- 
suers. Had it not been for her and that meddling fool, Ein- 
stein, I would now be enjoying Mary Danforth's fortuue. But 
they have thwarted all my well laid plans. I have yet one 
bold stroke to make before I give it up. I have in my pos- 
session the will which I took from Farnsworth safe, it is 



—46— 

worth a fortune either to Farns worth or Mary Danforth. I 
have written Farnsworth concernins: it, and he is to be here 
this very night. Will he fail me. No, his interests are too 
much at stake for that. I came here purporting to be a spec- 
ulator in lands. A poor abode this, but here I must remain 
until he comes to meet my demands, which once in my pos- 
session, I will fly the country and live comfortably in Paris 
or London the rest of my days. (Ascends stair goes in Apt 
L. Enter Jakey T>. iiiY. -R. 

Jakey. I like dot musik. I didn't sell a bill. Well its 
a cold day when I get left, but I am left to-d:y dat^ sure. 
I wonder what has become of Stanley, his wife and Jeanette, 
I met Walter Harrington and he told me they had gone west 
to grow up with the country. I wonder if he is a bully cow- 
boy too. (Ascends stair.) Fine business. (Sets on bed in 
Apt R, Takes off shoes. Feels bed.) A fedder bed. Shaney 
musik. (Enter Cowboys d. in f. r. 

1st and 2d C. B. We're in for a jolly good time boys, 
we're in for a jolly good lime. 

Jakey. Bully cowboys coming back again. 

1st C. B. (Shoots lamp off of counter.) We're for a ter- 
rible time boys. 

2d C. B. Yes we're in for a jolly good time, hurrah! 

Jakey. Besuffen. I hope they won't come up here. 

Car. Cowboys on a spree; if they remain here long 
they'll spoil all. 

Cowboys. (Ascending stair. Singing.) My love is a 
cowboy in Texas fair, he rides a pony and wears long hair. 
(Shriek. Jakey frightened crawls under the bed.) 

Jakey. Two respectable gentlemen my room mates. I 
like dot musik. (Carroll peers from door as boys land on 2d 
floor.) Carroll here. Jakey you're a monkey in a tight box 
sure. 

Cowboys. Hurrah! hurrah! (Shoots through windov: .) 

Jakey. I wish I was in New York now. 

Car. Curse the luck, will they never leave. 

IstC. B. Here's to good old whiskey drink her down, 
drink her down. (Drinking from bottle.) 

2d C. B. Give me that bottle. 
p 1st C. B. You can't have it. 

Jakey. They are going to fight. I'll get shot, I know I 
will, (llusic.) 

2d C. B. I say you must give it to me. 

1st C. B. Your off, you shant have a drop. 



—47— 

2d C. B. I shant eh? {They struggle. Both fall from 
icindoio. Carroll goes to windoio.) 

' Car. They have fought and have fallen on the roof. I'm 
in luck. (Jrain hell rmgs.) 

Jakey. Deres a train, de landlord said I couldn't get out 
till morning. 

Car. The train has arrived, Farnsworth must soon be 
here. 

Jakey. Farnsworth coming here. 

Car. Some one is drawing near the hotel. I can dis- 
cern his face, it is he. [Descends stair. Jakey comes from 
under bed.) 

Jakey. I must get out of here, but I don't see how. 
Here is a revolver the bully cowboy dropped and here is his 
hal and coat. I'm a regular Biffalo Willie. {Pats on clothes. 
Enter Farnsioorth d . in f. r. Jakey listens at stair.) 

Car. Farnsworth. 
. Farns. Carroll. 

Car. Yes, 'tis I. 

Farns. Why have you selected this out of the way 
place for our meeting, thousands of miles from New York? 

Car. Because justice cannot reach me here. But come 
into my room, we can safely converse there without inter- 
ruption. 

Farns. Are you sure you mean me no personal harm. I 
warn you Carroll, I came prepared for treachery. 

Car. You need have no fear, this is a public hotel, if we 
conversed here in the office we might be overheard, upstairs 
we can avoid interruption. {Go to stair. Ascend. Jokey 
gets under the bed. Carroll and Farnsworth enter small Apt l. 

Jakey. They are coming here. Jakey you'll hear some 
good music. 

Farns. This room is rather small for two persons. 

Car. I agree with you there, we can safely transact our 
business in the other room, the inmates are under the influ- 
ence of liquor and are sleeping on the roof. {Far-nsicorth 
and Carroll enter ap'partment r. 

Farns. Carroll you cannot take too many precautions to 
guard against intruders. 

Car. You need have no fears; but to make things doubly 
sure I'll lock the door. {Locks door. Lays key on bed. 
Jakey takes key and unlocks door.) 

Jakey. And for fear of going out of the window like 
those bully cowboys, I'll unlock the door. {Puts key on bed 
and gets under bed) * 



—48— 

Car. Now to business. You come here to purchase of 
me 

Faens. Property that you stole from my safe. 

Car. Exactly. Property which is worth a fortune to 
one other being beside yourself, and that person is Mary 
Danforth, now the wife of Wm. Stanley. 

Jakey. I can't hear you, speak louder. 

Car. a will whose existence not a living soul is aware 
of besides yourself and I. 

Jakey. Dots better. 

Car. a will which would give Mary Danforth a fortune 
and make you penniless if she but knew of its existence, and 
she shall know unless you meet my demands. 

Farns. These threats are useless Carroll, it is the expos- 
ure I dread. I would gladly give Will Stanley's wife every 
dollar that I have deprived her of, if it were not for the dis- 
grace, the shame I would be subjected to. 

Car. Bosh, you would do nothing of the kind, and w«ll 
you know it. I tell you Farnsworth when a man once erijoys 
riches, no matter how obtained, it is very hard for him to 
part with it without a struggle. Come, moments are precious. 

Farns. Well then return the will to me and I'll give you 
five thousand dollars. 

Car. It is not enough . 

Farns. Ten thousand dollars. 

Car. It is not enough. 

Farns. How much do you demand? 

Car. Twenty thousand dollars. 

Jakey. He don't want much. 

Farns. I'll not give it, the fortune is not worth it. 

Car. I beg your pardon, that is not one-fifth its value. 

Farns. Have you the will in your possession. 

Car. (Takes it from pocket^ I have. 

Farns. May I peruse it. 

Car. {Hands icill. Points revolver.) You may but re- 
turn it or twenty thousand dollars, or you shall never leave 
this room alive. 

Farns. {Heads. Lays it down. Produces loallet. Counts 
out twenty thousand dollars. Jakey crawls from under the bed.) 

Jakey. I'll risk it if I get killed for it. 

Farns. There is the money, twenty thousand dollars. 

Jakey. {Grabs both. Puns down stairs. Exit d. in f. r.) 

Farns. Betrayed! after him at once. 

Car. No, he is your accomplice, that for your pains. 
(Shoots Farnsworth. Farnsworth fcdls . Carroll rushes dow7i 



—49 — 

stairs. Fams^oorth gropes d. stair.) Cur.se the fool to trifle 
with me. Iinust hasten, the whole town will be down upon me 
when the news of my deed reaches them. (Eater Stanley 
D. L. 2 E. Mrs. Stanley and Jeanette.) 

Stan. This way Mary. Richard Carroll! 

Car. You here! 

Mrs. Stan. My father murdered. {RusJies to him.) 

Stan. Villain you have followed me here, and here must 
you answer for the many injuries you have done me. 

Car. I knew not that you were here. {Jeanette gets 
slowly behind Carroll.) 

Stan. You lie. Come now, throw down your revolver 
and for once in your life fight me like a man. 

Car. No. 

Stan. You're a coward- 

Car. Advance another step and I'll send you to eternity. 
[Jeanette gets revolver from Jiim.) 

Jean. Now touch him if you dare. Enter Jakey fol- 
lotced by cowboys d. in f. r. Enter Hook and 3iartin.) 

Jakey. Don't let him get away, he is a murderer. (Coic- 
boys hold hitn.) Jeanette. (Etnhraees her.) And Stanley 
here too. 

Farns. No child I am not your father, l have wronged 
you. Your mother left you and your fortune in my charge. 
The money! The will. That man killed me. [Dies pointing 
to Carroll.) 

Jakey. Mrs. Stanley here too. So dis is de place you 
moved. 

Stan. Yes. (iTfrs. Stanley adv. c). 

Jakey. Say bully cowboys, dot fellow kil'ed dot poor old 
man; what you do with a fellow, here that kills another one. 

C, B. Hang him, hang him. 

Hook. Gets rope and puts it aromid Carroll) Aye, aye! 
Hang him. 

Jakey. Say Mr. Burton, take a quart of click oh, and 
charge it to ten. [Drag Carroll off ^ Dot settles his busi- 
ness. Now Mrs. Stanley don't say any more, as dat dead fel- 
low don't was your fadder any how. I have a little story to 
tell you. I used to dravel for Bergen rose, Rosenthal & Co., 
manufacturers of mens, youths and boys clothing. I aint 
with that house any more, the firm kicked at ray expense. I 
got mad and quit. I went into the cigar business, came out 
west to get acquainted with some bully cowboys. I got ac- 
quainted with them, well I got so well acquainted that I had 
them for room mates. They got drunk, I got frightened and 



—so- 
hid under the bed. I saw Carroll peeping from another 
room up stairs . Den Farnsworth came by the last train. 
They met, commenced to bargain for a will. Carroll was 
going to sell it to him for twenty thousand dollars. I saw 
the money; I saw the will, and grabs them both. I hear a 
shot, I thought I was killed. I run out and found I wasn't 
killed, I found the bully cowboys and brought them here. 

Stan. And the will? 

Jakey. And the money are here. {Hands both.) And 
belong to your wife. 

Mrs. Stan. Mine. {Stanley takes will. Beads.) and 
the man I supposed was my father 

Jakey. Was only your guardian. 

Stan. And has deprived you of an independent fortune 
left you by your mother. 

Jakey. Stanley, when you come into your fortune, you 
will give me a job to travel for you. 

Stan. I'll do more, I'll make you my partner. 

jAKEy. I like dot musik. Jeanette, I took your breath 
away once before by a sudden proposal, but I ask you again; 
will you become Mrs. Einstein. 

Jean. Will you have me. 

Jakey. Well, I should dance a jig. I'll get married and 
we'll buy our opening stock from Bergenrose, Rosenthal & 
Co., manufacturers of mens, boys and youths clothing, by 
jabers. 



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